Last week, the stage was set for a knock-down, drag-out battle between myself and Gina of FiMP to see whose tofu cuisine reigns supreme. Not one to take a challenge lightly, I used most of the week to prepare myself. I decided to go the traditional route: Wheaties, weight-lifting, and performance enhancing drugs.
Unfortunately, I learned that none of those things actually help when it comes to working with curdled soybean milk. Who knew?! But I did lose 2 pounds in the process, and I became an absolute beast in the batting cages. In a way, I already felt like a winner!
But alas, I still had a promise to uphold, and that was to crank out a competition-worthy tofu dish by this Friday. Left with nothing but my basic instincts and a strong sense of pride, I headed straight for the grill. Let's play ball!
Grilled Tofu and Veggies* w/ PestoIngredients:
1 block extra firm tofu, patted dry and cut into wedges
1 zucchini, sliced lengthwise
1 portobello mushroom, cut into strips
1 red bell pepper, cut into thick strips
1/2 eggplant, sliced lengthwise
1/2 red onion, cut into thick slices
3/4 cp pesto (store-bought or homemade)
1/4 cp olive oil for pesto, extra for brushing
salt, pepper, and crushed red pepper to taste
parmesan cheese, toasted pine nuts, and fresh basil for garnish
Directions: (serves 4)
1. Set grill to medium heat. Brush tofu, zucchini, portobello, bell pepper, eggplant, and onion with olive oil. Season everything with salt, pepper, and crushed red pepper. Grill 5 minutes per side, check for doneness. Grill longer if necessary. Remove from heat when done.
2. Assemble veggies on a platter. Top with slices of tofu. Whisk together pesto and 1/4 olive oil until combined, and pour sauce over everything. Garnish with parmesan cheese, toasted pine nuts, and fresh basil. Woot woot.
*Yea, I know most of the produce listed here aren't technically vegetables. For all intents and purposes, let's just go with it.
But Wait...There's More!!!
Tofu Key Lime Pie
Ingredients:
1 block firm tofu
8 oz cream cheese (you know it's gotta be Philly)
1 pkg instant Jello Vanilla Pudding Mix
1/2 cp key lime juice (yes, you can sub reg lime)
1-2 tb agave syrup or other sweetener
pinch of salt
1 prepared graham cracker crust
Directions: (serves 6-8)
1. In a blender or food processor, combine tofu and key lime juice until smooth. Add the remaining ingredients and combine until smooth. Give it a taste. If it's too sour, add more sweetener. Regular limes tend to be more sour than key limes, in case you're curious.
2. Pour mixture into pie crust. Refrigerate at least 2-3 hours.
3. If the pie doesn't up correctly, you have two choices: serve it up as a pudding or throw it in the freezer to harden. It's incredibly difficult to predict what consistency you will end up with when using tofu, because it's always different. Don't let it get you down, it's delicious no matter how you slice it! (couldn't resist)
7 days, 3 boxes of cereal, hundreds of reps, and 2 banned substances later, here is the final product. Would I say it was worth it? You're damn right it was.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have an acceptance speech and a baseball swing to work on.
**Update: Gina posted her entry- Tofu Picatta w/ a side of Baked Rice,Tomato, Spinach, and Tofu. Not gonna lie, I'm a little impressed. Capers and garlic make me weak in the knees, and she took it to the nines. Well played Gina, you have proven to be quite the adversary...this time around.
I've been known to jam out with my clam out on more than a few occasions. Let's be honest, I did go to college...it's a cultural thing! My stories as a Penn Stater read like the who's who of collegiate men residing in Central Pennsylvania between 2003-2007. That's a lot of late-night study sessions. So Mom and Dad, if you're reading this- don't say I didn't learn anything!
But I'll stop there. After all, I am a woman of integrity, damn it! And if I go any further, my parents will make me change my name and ask that I never contact them again. Wait a sec...a blessing and a curse.
On second thought, I'm going to need my #2 pencil and a calculator for this one:
Did I set that up correctly, or did I forget to put it all over 2a? I was never good at polynomials.
Regardless, I'm going to hold off on the clam chronicles for now, at least until December 25th (the proof is in the algebra). Instead, let's switch gears and focus on the fact that all week I've been coming up with brilliant ways to sneak alcohol into my favorite foods. I present to you my latest creation: Clams w/ Bacon and Beer!
Clams w/ Bacon and Beer
Ingredients:
2 lbs clams (I used Steamers)
6 slices bacon, chopped
1 medium onion, sliced
3 cloves garlic, minced
16 oz. (1 bottle) beer
salt and pepper to taste
chopped fresh parsley for garnish
Directions: (serves 4)
1. In a large saucepan, fry bacon over medium heat until crisp. Remove bacon and set aside, leaving bacon grease in pan.
2. Reduce heat to low. Add onions, garlic, salt (about 1tb), and pepper to the saucepan and cook in the bacon grease for about 5 minutes.
3. Add beer to the pan and bring to a boil over high heat. Scrape off all of the delicious caramelized bits from the bottom of the pan that got stuck there during cooking. This is called "deglazing a pan". And it's awesome.
4. Rinse clams under cold water. Add them to the saucepan, reduce heat to medium, cover with a lid, and cook 6-10 minutes (or until the clams open up).
5. Taste the broth, season if necessary. Serve the clams in a large bowl with the broth. Garnish with the bacon and fresh parsley.
*How To Eat Steamers: Open the clam, peel off and discard the black neck covering, and remove meat from the shell. Holding the clam by the neck, dip it in the broth and shove the whole thing into your mouth. So good.
I've been challenged by fellow foodaholic, restaurant critic extraordinaire, and most recently master of delusion Gina over at Food Is My Porn to a TOFU DUEL. She thinks I can't make tofu as sexual and delectable as she can. Perhaps she should write a blog about what it's like to live under a rock.
Although I live and die by the meat stick now, once upon a time I was an aspiring little vegan. What's that Gina? You date a famous Chef? Good. It'll feel that much better when I beat you BOTH into submission. Bring it.
P.S.- Thanks for throwing up the Frat Rat picture of me circa 2k5 on your blog. It just fuels my inability to take part in clean, healthy competition. I expect a tofu post up by next Friday. See you there.
A few weeks ago, we discussed "What's Your Guilty Food Pleasure?". There were the usual suspects...ice cream, peanut butter, fried food, cheesy food, and a tangy little mustard with pretzels. There were the unusual suspects...cherries, cannoli cream, and a Britney Spears cameo (thanks SeeAliEatSeeAliRun). And then there was this:
"Cheese & peanut butter...together! as a sandwich! Take 2 slices of Kraft American Singles and fill the middle with Skippy Extra Chunky Peanut Butter.... and voila! A peanut butter & cheese sandwich!"- Erica
Ok, umm that's just sick Erica. But I must admit, I admire your enthusiasm and culinary bravado (as long as you keep the latter far away from me).
So now I bet you're dying to know what my Guilty Food Pleasure is. Oh, wait...you're not? That's alright, because I'm going to tell you anyway. It's a Peanut Butter and Bacon Sandwich on Eggo Waffles. It was the fuel of my childhood, and still is one of the best things that's ever happened to me.
Why? Sinfully rich, creamy peanut butter. Crisp, aromatic bacon. Freshly-toasted, buttery Eggos (hit me with the Homestyle). Even on their own, these foods are enough to make me weep. But when brought together, they have a synergistic effect that makes my life worth living. Get it girl!
Peanut Butter and Bacon Sandwich
Ingredients:2 frozen Eggo waffles
2 tb peanut butter
2 slices thick-cut bacon (more like 5)
Directions: (serves 1)
1. Fry up the bacon, toast the waffles, and brew a pot of coffee (you'll want to dip the sandwich in it, TRUST ME).
2. Assemble sandwich. Love your life.
My boyfriend told me that I should drink less. I told him that he should drink more. He asked me if I could go a week without alcohol. I asked him, "Does wine count?"
I love my boyfriend and I love the Jesus juice. Thus, I am presented with a classic case of internal conflict: being a lush vs. being in lust. Let's evaluate. On one hand, I have something that always puts a smile on my face, is generally sweet, has a nice body, ages gracefully, and keeps me begging for more. On the other hand, I have my boyfriend.
(cricket...cricket...cricket...)
We settle on a compromise. I agree to embark on a week-long sabbatical from the hard stuff to appease the boy-toy, as long as I can still cook with it in order to appease my inner boozehound. Here goes nothing. First up: Pears in Red Wine Sauce.
Pears in Red Wine Sauce
Ingredients:
4 pears, peeled
2 cps red wine (I used Franciscan Cabernet Sauvignon 2k6)
1 cp sugar
2 tb lemon juice
2 ts vanilla extract
1 ts cinnamon
pinch of salt
Directions: (serves 4)
1. Bring all ingredients, besides pears, to a boil in a medium saucepan. Reduce heat and simmer pears for 10 minutes. Flip pears and let simmer for another 10 minutes. Remove pears from saucepan and let cool.
2. Boil wine sauce until it is reduced by half. Once reduced, gently put pears back into the sauce, coating them so they are poised for a stunning presentation. Spoon sauce onto the center of a plate, stand pear up in the middle, and garnish with some cinnamon sticks and lemon rind if you have them. Awesome blossom.
Simple carbohydrates...white bread, white pasta, white rice. Ohhh, the mediocrity. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt and let them do their thing at mealtime, but what do they do? They just lie there on the plate and let the other foods do all the work (like my ex). It's better than nothing, I suppose. But I'm always left wanting more, and not in a good way.
When it comes to a starchy side dish, I need something a little more complex. I have a few go-to whole grains in my arsenal, but truthfully, I prefer the satiating power of legumes and fresh vegetables instead. Today, we have somewhat of a hybrid: corn. Technically a grain, more commonly thought of as a starchy vegetable. Either way, I'm sold. Cue the Grilled Corn Salad.
Grilled Corn Salad
Ingredients:
4 ears corn on the cob, cooked (great use of leftovers!)
1 poblano pepper, finely diced
1/2 medium red bell pepper, diced
2 tb red onion, finely diced
Dressing:
1/4 cp vegetable or canola oil
1 tsp chili powder
2 tsp fresh cilantro, chopped (sub parsley)
salt and pepper to taste
lime wedges for garnish
Directions (serves 4):
1. Since the corn is already cooked, just grill the cobs over high heat, rotating every few minutes, until the cob is 1/4 black, 3/4 yellow. Remove from heat and let cool.
2. Using a sharp knife, cut kernels off the cob. Add kernels to a medium bowl with poblano, bell pepper, and onion. In a small bowl, whisk together oil, chili powder, cilantro, salt, and pepper. Add dressing to corn mixture and stir until coated. Taste and season appropriately.
3. Squeeze some lime juice over the top and garnish with more cilantro and lime wedges.
Meat Suggestion: You already have the grill on. Let's pair this salad with some big, juicy burgers.
What's sexier than navigating your way through a meal of dead fish, armed with nothing but a lousy set of chopsticks that cause said fish to get all over your face and plate? Everything. Add over-sized bites, malfunctioning edamame, and one (or 5) too many sake bombs? Check please.
But you have to admit, all of the above makes for quite the entertaining evening. Sushi dates are a fun, playful, and interactive way to chow down and get to know someone. Plus, I'm a sucker for any food outing where the sharing of plates is encouraged, it's socially acceptable to order a bunch of different menu items, and you don't have to worry about which utensil is your salad fork (hint: it's 2nd to the left).
So next time eel sauce starts dribbling down your chin, laugh it off! Maybe your date will think it's endearing. Maybe not. Regardless, if you can't laugh at yourself then you probably aren't that fun of a date anyway. It's better they find out now.
This dish is a painstakingly easy way to bring that vibe into your own home. I'll supply the how-to, you supply the lousy chopsticks and a good time. Let's roll.
Ingredients:
1-1.5 lbs Ahi (a.k.a. Yellowfin) tuna steaks
1/2 cp black sesame seeds
2 tb canola or vegetable oil
salt to taste
store-bought Ponzu sauce (found in Asian section)
Directions: (serves 4)
1. Spread sesame seeds and salt on plate. Coat tuna on all sides.
2. Add oil to a frying pan set on medium-high heat and sear tuna about 30 sec- 1 minute per side, longer according to preference. Make sure you get the sides too!
3. Remove from heat and refrigerate steaks at least 15 minutes to give the tuna a nice chill. This makes a huge difference in taste.
4. Slice tuna and serve with Ponzu sauce on the side. Add store-bought seaweed salad and a ball of sushi rice cooked according to package. Easy.
7 days, 3 boxes of cereal, hundreds of reps, and 2 banned substances later, here is the final product. Would I say it was worth it? You're damn right it was.
