TOFU CHALLENGE ENDS IN WALK-OFF HOMERUN

Last week, the stage was set for a knock-down, drag-out battle between myself and Gina of FiMP to see whose tofu cuisine reigns supreme. Not one to take a challenge lightly, I used most of the week to prepare myself. I decided to go the traditional route: Wheaties, weight-lifting, and performance enhancing drugs.

Unfortunately, I learned that none of those things actually help when it comes to working with curdled soybean milk. Who knew?! But I did lose 2 pounds in the process, and I became an absolute beast in the batting cages. In a way, I already felt like a winner!

But alas, I still had a promise to uphold, and that was to crank out a competition-worthy tofu dish by this Friday. Left with nothing but my basic instincts and a strong sense of pride, I headed straight for the grill. Let's play ball!

Grilled Tofu and Veggies* w/ Pesto

Ingredients:
1 block extra firm tofu, patted dry and cut into wedges
1 zucchini, sliced lengthwise
1 portobello mushroom, cut into strips
1 red bell pepper, cut into thick strips
1/2 eggplant, sliced lengthwise
1/2 red onion, cut into thick slices
3/4 cp pesto (store-bought or homemade)
1/4 cp olive oil for pesto, extra for brushing
salt, pepper, and crushed red pepper to taste
parmesan cheese, toasted pine nuts, and fresh basil for garnish



Directions: (serves 4)
1. Set grill to medium heat. Brush tofu, zucchini, portobello, bell pepper, eggplant, and onion with olive oil. Season everything with salt, pepper, and crushed red pepper. Grill 5 minutes per side, check for doneness. Grill longer if necessary. Remove from heat when done.

2. Assemble veggies on a platter. Top with slices of tofu. Whisk together pesto and 1/4 olive oil until combined, and pour sauce over everything. Garnish with parmesan cheese, toasted pine nuts, and fresh basil. Woot woot.

*Yea, I know most of the produce listed here aren't technically vegetables. For all intents and purposes, let's just go with it.


But Wait...There's More!!!


Tofu Key Lime Pie

Ingredients:
1 block firm tofu
8 oz cream cheese (you know it's gotta be Philly)
1 pkg instant Jello Vanilla Pudding Mix
1/2 cp key lime juice (yes, you can sub reg lime)
1-2 tb agave syrup or other sweetener
pinch of salt
1 prepared graham cracker crust

Directions: (serves 6-8)
1. In a blender or food processor, combine tofu and key lime juice until smooth. Add the remaining ingredients and combine until smooth. Give it a taste. If it's too sour, add more sweetener. Regular limes tend to be more sour than key limes, in case you're curious.

2. Pour mixture into pie crust. Refrigerate at least 2-3 hours.

3. If the pie doesn't up correctly, you have two choices: serve it up as a pudding or throw it in the freezer to harden. It's incredibly difficult to predict what consistency you will end up with when using tofu, because it's always different. Don't let it get you down, it's delicious no matter how you slice it! (couldn't resist)

7 days, 3 boxes of cereal, hundreds of reps, and 2 banned substances later, here is the final product. Would I say it was worth it? You're damn right it was.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have an acceptance speech and a baseball swing to work on.










**Update: Gina posted her entry- Tofu Picatta w/ a side of Baked Rice,Tomato, Spinach, and Tofu. Not gonna lie, I'm a little impressed. Capers and garlic make me weak in the knees, and she took it to the nines. Well played Gina, you have proven to be quite the adversary...this time around.

Jam Out With Your Clam Out: Clams w/ Bacon and Beer

I've been known to jam out with my clam out on more than a few occasions. Let's be honest, I did go to college...it's a cultural thing! My stories as a Penn Stater read like the who's who of collegiate men residing in Central Pennsylvania between 2003-2007. That's a lot of late-night study sessions. So Mom and Dad, if you're reading this- don't say I didn't learn anything!

But I'll stop there. After all, I am a woman of integrity, damn it! And if I go any further, my parents will make me change my name and ask that I never contact them again. Wait a sec...a blessing and a curse.

On second thought, I'm going to need my #2 pencil and a calculator for this one:


Did I set that up correctly, or did I forget to put it all over 2a? I was never good at polynomials.

Regardless, I'm going to hold off on the clam chronicles for now, at least until December 25th (the proof is in the algebra). Instead, let's switch gears and focus on the fact that all week I've been coming up with brilliant ways to sneak alcohol into my favorite foods. I present to you my latest creation: Clams w/ Bacon and Beer!

Clams w/ Bacon and Beer
Ingredients:
2 lbs clams (I used Steamers)
6 slices bacon, chopped
1 medium onion, sliced
3 cloves garlic, minced
16 oz. (1 bottle) beer
salt and pepper to taste
chopped fresh parsley for garnish

Directions: (serves 4)
1. In a large saucepan, fry bacon over medium heat until crisp. Remove bacon and set aside, leaving bacon grease in pan.

2. Reduce heat to low. Add onions, garlic, salt (about 1tb), and pepper to the saucepan and cook in the bacon grease for about 5 minutes.

3. Add beer to the pan and bring to a boil over high heat. Scrape off all of the delicious caramelized bits from the bottom of the pan that got stuck there during cooking. This is called "deglazing a pan". And it's awesome.

4. Rinse clams under cold water. Add them to the saucepan, reduce heat to medium, cover with a lid, and cook 6-10 minutes (or until the clams open up).

5. Taste the broth, season if necessary. Serve the clams in a large bowl with the broth. Garnish with the bacon and fresh parsley.

*How To Eat Steamers: Open the clam, peel off and discard the black neck covering, and remove meat from the shell. Holding the clam by the neck, dip it in the broth and shove the whole thing into your mouth. So good.

TOFU CHALLENGE: It's on Like Donkey Kong

I've been challenged by fellow foodaholic, restaurant critic extraordinaire, and most recently master of delusion Gina over at Food Is My Porn to a TOFU DUEL. She thinks I can't make tofu as sexual and delectable as she can. Perhaps she should write a blog about what it's like to live under a rock.

Although I live and die by the meat stick now, once upon a time I was an aspiring little vegan. What's that Gina? You date a famous Chef? Good. It'll feel that much better when I beat you BOTH into submission. Bring it.

P.S.- Thanks for throwing up the Frat Rat picture of me circa 2k5 on your blog. It just fuels my inability to take part in clean, healthy competition. I expect a tofu post up by next Friday. See you there.

My Guilty Pleasure: PB and Bacon

A few weeks ago, we discussed "What's Your Guilty Food Pleasure?". There were the usual suspects...ice cream, peanut butter, fried food, cheesy food, and a tangy little mustard with pretzels. There were the unusual suspects...cherries, cannoli cream, and a Britney Spears cameo (thanks SeeAliEatSeeAliRun). And then there was this:

"Cheese & peanut butter...together! as a sandwich! Take 2 slices of Kraft American Singles and fill the middle with Skippy Extra Chunky Peanut Butter.... and voila! A peanut butter & cheese sandwich!"- Erica

Ok, umm that's just sick Erica. But I must admit, I admire your enthusiasm and culinary bravado (as long as you keep the latter far away from me).

So now I bet you're dying to know what my Guilty Food Pleasure is. Oh, wait...you're not? That's alright, because I'm going to tell you anyway. It's a Peanut Butter and Bacon Sandwich on Eggo Waffles. It was the fuel of my childhood, and still is one of the best things that's ever happened to me.

Why? Sinfully rich, creamy peanut butter. Crisp, aromatic bacon. Freshly-toasted, buttery Eggos (hit me with the Homestyle). Even on their own, these foods are enough to make me weep. But when brought together, they have a synergistic effect that makes my life worth living. Get it girl!



Peanut Butter and Bacon Sandwich
Ingredients:
2 frozen Eggo waffles
2 tb peanut butter
2 slices thick-cut bacon (more like 5)

Directions: (serves 1)
1. Fry up the bacon, toast the waffles, and brew a pot of coffee (you'll want to dip the sandwich in it, TRUST ME).

2. Assemble sandwich. Love your life.

Cheers to Sobriety! (Pears in Red Wine Sauce)

My boyfriend told me that I should drink less. I told him that he should drink more. He asked me if I could go a week without alcohol. I asked him, "Does wine count?"

I love my boyfriend and I love the Jesus juice. Thus, I am presented with a classic case of internal conflict: being a lush vs. being in lust. Let's evaluate. On one hand, I have something that always puts a smile on my face, is generally sweet, has a nice body, ages gracefully, and keeps me begging for more. On the other hand, I have my boyfriend.

(cricket...cricket...cricket...)

We settle on a compromise. I agree to embark on a week-long sabbatical from the hard stuff to appease the boy-toy, as long as I can still cook with it in order to appease my inner boozehound. Here goes nothing. First up: Pears in Red Wine Sauce.

Pears in Red Wine Sauce
Ingredients:
4 pears, peeled
2 cps red wine (I used Franciscan Cabernet Sauvignon 2k6)
1 cp sugar
2 tb lemon juice
2 ts vanilla extract
1 ts cinnamon
pinch of salt

Directions: (serves 4)
1. Bring all ingredients, besides pears, to a boil in a medium saucepan. Reduce heat and simmer pears for 10 minutes. Flip pears and let simmer for another 10 minutes. Remove pears from saucepan and let cool.

2. Boil wine sauce until it is reduced by half. Once reduced, gently put pears back into the sauce, coating them so they are poised for a stunning presentation. Spoon sauce onto the center of a plate, stand pear up in the middle, and garnish with some cinnamon sticks and lemon rind if you have them. Awesome blossom.

Do I Make You Corny, Baby?

Simple carbohydrates...white bread, white pasta, white rice. Ohhh, the mediocrity. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt and let them do their thing at mealtime, but what do they do? They just lie there on the plate and let the other foods do all the work (like my ex). It's better than nothing, I suppose. But I'm always left wanting more, and not in a good way.

When it comes to a starchy side dish, I need something a little more complex. I have a few go-to whole grains in my arsenal, but truthfully, I prefer the satiating power of legumes and fresh vegetables instead. Today, we have somewhat of a hybrid: corn. Technically a grain, more commonly thought of as a starchy vegetable. Either way, I'm sold. Cue the Grilled Corn Salad.






Grilled Corn Salad
Ingredients:
4 ears corn on the cob, cooked (great use of leftovers!)
1 poblano pepper, finely diced
1/2 medium red bell pepper, diced
2 tb red onion, finely diced

Dressing:
1/4 cp vegetable or canola oil
1 tsp chili powder
2 tsp fresh cilantro, chopped (sub parsley)
salt and pepper to taste
lime wedges for garnish

Directions (serves 4):
1. Since the corn is already cooked, just grill the cobs over high heat, rotating every few minutes, until the cob is 1/4 black, 3/4 yellow. Remove from heat and let cool.

2. Using a sharp knife, cut kernels off the cob. Add kernels to a medium bowl with poblano, bell pepper, and onion. In a small bowl, whisk together oil, chili powder, cilantro, salt, and pepper. Add dressing to corn mixture and stir until coated. Taste and season appropriately.

3. Squeeze some lime juice over the top and garnish with more cilantro and lime wedges.

Meat Suggestion: You already have the grill on. Let's pair this salad with some big, juicy burgers.

Some Like it Raw: Black Sesame-Crusted Tuna w/ Ponzu Dipping Sauce

What's sexier than navigating your way through a meal of dead fish, armed with nothing but a lousy set of chopsticks that cause said fish to get all over your face and plate? Everything. Add over-sized bites, malfunctioning edamame, and one (or 5) too many sake bombs? Check please.

But you have to admit, all of the above makes for quite the entertaining evening. Sushi dates are a fun, playful, and interactive way to chow down and get to know someone. Plus, I'm a sucker for any food outing where the sharing of plates is encouraged, it's socially acceptable to order a bunch of different menu items, and you don't have to worry about which utensil is your salad fork (hint: it's 2nd to the left).

So next time eel sauce starts dribbling down your chin, laugh it off! Maybe your date will think it's endearing. Maybe not. Regardless, if you can't laugh at yourself then you probably aren't that fun of a date anyway. It's better they find out now.

This dish is a painstakingly easy way to bring that vibe into your own home. I'll supply the how-to, you supply the lousy chopsticks and a good time. Let's roll.

Ingredients:
1-1.5 lbs Ahi (a.k.a. Yellowfin) tuna steaks
1/2 cp black sesame seeds
2 tb canola or vegetable oil
salt to taste
store-bought Ponzu sauce (found in Asian section)

Directions: (serves 4)
1. Spread sesame seeds and salt on plate. Coat tuna on all sides.

2. Add oil to a frying pan set on medium-high heat and sear tuna about 30 sec- 1 minute per side, longer according to preference. Make sure you get the sides too!

3. Remove from heat and refrigerate steaks at least 15 minutes to give the tuna a nice chill. This makes a huge difference in taste.

4. Slice tuna and serve with Ponzu sauce on the side. Add store-bought seaweed salad and a ball of sushi rice cooked according to package. Easy.

Piece of Meat Hits the Street

What Is Your Guilty Food Pleasure?

Dip your French fries in your Frosty every time you hit up the Wendy's drive-thru?

Eat peanut butter straight from the jar?

Fight with your long-distance boyfriend about not visiting you from Germany just so you have an excuse to kill a pint of Ben & Jerry's Mint Chocolate Cookie in bed? (It was worth it.)

Comment below with your guilty food pleasure if you know what's up.

You Only Turn 30 Once, Right Dad?

Once upon a time, I gave Hans Hanson the gift of fatherhood. And to have me as a daughter, well I'm just the gift that keeps on giving. So what do you do for the man who already has it all? Dinner!

My dad stopped celebrating his birthday a long time ago, but that obviously hasn't stopped me from doing so. I could never pass up the opportunity to make a special dinner for my father that says "Happy birthday, I love you sooooo much. Can I have $20?"

This year I went all out. Hey, I love the old man (and if I can get that $20 bumped up to a $50, Verizon and I would be ever so thankful). The birthday menu included Italian Sausage with Crusty Bread, Corn on the Cob, Mixed Greens with Champagne Vinaigrette, Alaskan King Crab Legs, and a Trio of Butters- Jalapeno Butter, Garlic Butter, and the triumphant return of the Vanilla Bean Butter. Served atop newspaper for a rustic feel.

This meal looks and tastes extravagant, but it practically cooks itself. Let's do it.


Ingredients:
1-2 lbs Italian Sausage links, cut into bite-sized pieces
1 white onion, sliced
2 tb olive oil
corn on the cob (2 per person...you can always use the leftovers)
2-3 lbs Alaskan King crab legs
1 large loaf of bread, broken into large pieces by hand
1 bunch parsley, chopped

Salad:
4 cps mixed greens
1 large tomato, wedged
2 tb champagne vinegar
1/2 cp olive oil
1 tb minced shallots (optional but delicious)
salt and pepper to taste

Trio of Butters:
4.5 sticks of salted butter
2 jalapenos, sliced
1 vanilla bean, plus vanilla extract if needed
5 cloves garlic, minced

*The butters aren't just for the crab. Imagine the jalapeno butter melting over the corn, the garlic butter being sopped up by the crusty bread, the vanilla butter smoothing out the spicy sausage...get creative!

Directions: (serves 4-6)
1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees

2. Get 3 small saucepans going over medium-low heat. Melt 1.5 sticks of butter in each pan. Remove flesh from vanilla bean. Add flesh plus bean to one pan, jalapenos to the second, and garlic to the third. Let simmer for the remainder of meal prep, keeping an eye on it, stirring occasionally, and lowering the heat if necessary. If you get nervous that it'll cook for too long, just remove from heat and put it back on 5 minutes before you serve. To make it pretty: use a spoon to skim the foam off of the top. Carefully pour the butter into a dish, leaving the gritty remnants on the bottom. Garnish with a fresh jalapeno slice, a clove of garlic, and the cooked vanilla seed.

3. Combine sausage, onions, and olive oil. Lay out mixture on a foil-lined baking sheet. Put crab legs in a baking pan with a few teaspoons of water on the bottom to create a little steam.

4. Bake both for about 20 minutes, throwing the bread into the oven on a baking sheet for the last 10 minutes to get it nice and crusty.

5. Salt boiling water and carefully add corn. Boil, uncovered, for ONLY 1 MINUTE. Remove from heat, cover the pot, and let them sit in the water for 10 minutes.

6. Add champagne vinegar to a small bowl. Continuously whisk vinegar while pouring olive oil slowly in a thin stream. Add shallots if you know what's up. Salt and pepper to taste. Pour over greens and tomato wedges.

7. Plate it up, add some lemon wedges, throw parsley over everything to make it look nice, and you're in business!

Happy Birthday to the best dad in the world. Thanks for the great memories, for the endless laughs, and for always paying my car insurance on time.









*What are your favorite flavored butters? Any other butter you'd like to see on here? Leave a comment!

Something on the Side: Sweet Potato Fries

The wonderful sweet potato. Versatile, dependable, naturally sweet, and invited to all family gatherings during the holidays. Basically, everything I'm not. But don't hate, celebrate! This is one hot potato, and today I'm going to let it show off a little skin. Hike up your oven temps and let's get ready to roast.

Ingredients:
2 sweet potatoes, cut into wedges
1/2 cp light brown sugar
2 tb olive oil
1 ts crushed red pepper (more or less to taste)
juice of 1 lime
1/4 cp scallions, chopped
salt and pepper to taste

Directions: (serves 4)
1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees

2. Toss potato wedges in a medium bowl with brown sugar, olive oil, crushed red pepper, lime juice, salt, and pepper. Lay them in a single layer on a foil-lined baking sheet.

3. Bake, uncovered, for 15 minutes. Flip and bake for another 10 minutes. Flip again and let them go longer if you want a deeper caramelization. That's what's up.

4. Remove from oven, garnish with scallions, and serve as a starch alongside chicken, pork, or beef. Or just fill up a bowl and eat them to your heart's content (preferred method).

Happy Eating!

A Solo Session- Cooking for One

Sometimes you're all alone, and you find yourself having to take matters into your own hands and do it yourself. Cook dinner. It's not an easy feat, but with a few well-calculated moves at the grocery store and some plan-ahead cooking, you'll be satisfying yourself in no time!





Let's Start with the Well-Calculated Moves:
* Buy fresh meats and freeze them as individual portions (perfect for chicken)
* Look for quality seafood that has already been frozen (raw shrimp, scallops, fish fillets)
* Stock up on canned beans
* Buy fresh fruits that have an admirable shelf-life (apples, oranges, melons, etc.)
* Learn which vegetables are good frozen, and which ones are good canned (Hint on asparagus- Frozen? Excellent. Canned? Arguably one of the worst things I have ever put in my mouth.)
* NEVER BE TEMPTED by the Lean Cuisines and Stouffer's meals. You're better than that.

Now Plan-Ahead:
* Wash all fresh produce when you get home from the store and prepare it for cooking (Rinse lettuce and herbs, chop up onions and garlic, trim green beans, etc.)
* Bake off a few chicken breasts and ground turkey to use throughout the week
* Cook rice, noodles, quinoa, etc. once a week and keep in the fridge for easy access
* Make a pot of soup or chili, portion and freeze it
* Think about dinners that can effortlessly become a new dish the next day, ie- Burrito Monday becomes Taco Salad Tuesday

Tonight I was left all by my lonesome, so I decided to practice what I preach. I thawed out a frozen tilapia fillet under cold running water, grabbed some day old wild rice out of the fridge, threw in some pre-washed produce, and voila! Party of one, your dinner is served.

Citrus-Glazed Tilapia
Ingredients:
1 tilapia fillet, fresh or thawed from frozen
1 cp orange juice
juice of 1 lime
1/4 cp sliced red onion
2 tb olive oil
salt and pepper to taste

Directions: (serves 1)
1. Warm up olive oil in a medium frying pan over medium heat.

2. Add orange juice and lime juice. Bring to a boil.

3. Salt and pepper your fillet. Add it, along with the red onion, to the orange juice.

4. Reduce heat to medium-low and let simmer for 10-15 minutes, basting the fillet with the reducing liquid every few minutes and flipping it halfway through cooking. The fish will be done when it can be flaked with a fork and your juice has reduced to a beautiful, thick glaze.

5. Hit it with some extra lime juice or zest at the end. Salt to taste. Serve it with some wild rice and mixed greens dressed with olive oil, lemon juice, salt, and pepper. Easy peasy.

**I was the lucky recipient of a HUGE tilapia fillet. I'm going to take the leftovers, flake it, and make fish tacos tomorrow!